Sayonara!
by United Profilers
Summary: Hotch is firing Seaver, and she can't believe the reason why. Crackfic, Reid OOCness and a character death?


**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Reid OOCness, slight Hotch OOCness warnings. And maybe a character death?**

FBI Cadet Ashley Seaver couldn't believe the chaos that broke out around the bullpen. An almost completely innocent act, then _this _happens? She had seen toddlers cry less than the skinny man being held in Agent Morgan's arms, which both he and Prentiss were sending deathly glares towards her. Penelope stood outside her office door, Seaver was sure the technical analyst would rip her throat out if she got too close. JJ was next to Garcia, she looked as if someone kicked a puppy in front of her.

Even Dave didn't seem too pleased when she looked at him. He was against the railing, he needed no words, for his daggers made it perfectly clear that he was not happy. And Ashley thought they were becoming good friends.

"Reid?" Seaver said, trying to sound gentle. She slowly approached the weeping young man and Derek.

"No! Get away from me!"

Startled by his outburst, Ashley jumped back. Morgan threw another glare her way before shushing the young profiler in his arms and rocking him.

"Big baby." She shook her head and muttered. Garcia gritted her teeth and took a couple dangerous steps forward before JJ held in arm out in front of her.

Over the sounds of Reid's sobbing, she heard Unit Chief Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner call her to his office. _What a crazy day so far. How much worse can it get?_

The BAU leader gestured for the young woman on the other side of his desk to take a seat. The blonde looked mostly confused but also a little nervous. Hotch kept his stern, unreadable gaze focused on the cadet, causing her to shift around in the chair.

"Seaver, do you know why I asked you in here?" He asked, his voice calm. A little too calm for Ashley's liking.

"Because of what happened out there?" She asked, as if she already knew the answer.

"Yes." Aaron nodded. "But what did happen out there?" Seaver sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"Shouldn't you be calling Dr. Reid in here too? I mean, breaking down like that in a federal building, no less?" Seaver asked, a little irritated.

"Spencer is a part of this, but he is not to be involved right now, as Agent Morgan is currently trying to calm him down." Hotch said, keeping his tone intact.

"Why? It was just a-"

"It was a cruel, selfish, act." Hotch cut her off. "And just plain mean, I might add."

"Mean?" Ashley asked in disbelieve, her eyes widened a little. "Cruel? Selfish? For God's sake, it was only a c-"

"I have no reason to repeat myself, seeing that as you already did." Aaron pointed out smugly.

"Are you people insane? Or am I just going crazy?" Seaver half shouted. She knew she shouldn't have snapped at the team leader like that, but this is getting too ridiculous.

"I would say go for the second one, but you seem sane to me. Mostly." Hotch smirked.

The young cadet exhaled. "A cookie. It was a freaking cookie!" She said loudly, clearly annoyed. "Isn't that guy like in his 30's now?" She briefly pointed towards the closed door. "Grow up now, come on!"

"Spencer Reid is a grown man. A brilliant and intelligent one at that." The Unit Chief said proudly. "But taking his cookie was pure wrong."

"It sat on his desk all morning and he didn't touch it!" Seaver said defensively. "I figured I wouldn't let it go to waste."

"He was saving it until after lunch." Hotch said, like she should have already known that.

"Couldn't he just like, get more at a store or something?" Ashley was getting exasperated.

"No." Hotch shook his head. "That was a special coffee flavored kind that Garcia makes for him at certain days of the month."

"So?"

"And you ate his last one." Aaron's calm voice now stern.

"He couldn't wait, like until she made them again?" The young woman asked.

"He has 13 days, 9 hours and two minutes." Hotch stated. Ashley sighed, shaking her head.

"I don't believe this. It was a stupid cookie, for crying out loud!" The FBI Cadet rose from the chair. "That's it. I'm going back to work." She didn't even have a chance to turn around when Hotch spoke.

"Seaver, you're fired from my team."

"What?" She shrieked. "Why?"

"For upsetting our little Spencer." Aaron glared at her briefly as if she had murdered someone.

"_Our _little Spencer?_" _Seaver repeated. "I thought you said he was a grown man."

"Even grown men cry, Ashley." Hotch said. "And remember, you did take his cookie."

Seaver gripped strands of hair in her fists and pulled, she clenched her teeth. This has definitely not been her day. The door opened and Morgan walked in, Spencer still in his arms.

"Waaahh! She took my cookie!" The young genius cried, tears pouring down his face. He pointing a finger at the blonde. Derek started to bounce him and shush him with assuring words.

"Don't worry, Spencer, I took care of it." Hotch told the whimpering man.

"All you did was fire me!" Ashley spat.

"Exactly. Problem solved." Aaron leaned back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head in a relaxing, care-free manner. Seaver sighed, she was tempted to threaten talking to Strauss or just go to the Section Chief without warning, because she couldn't believe this.

"That's what you get for hurting our baby!" Garcia said as she stepped inside Hotch's office, standing next to Morgan and stroking Spencer's long, curly hair.

"You are excused, Ms. Seaver." Hotch said. The cadet scoffed and made her way to the door, then stopped to look at Spencer, who was sucking his thumb.

"Seriously, Dr. Reid, at least get a haircut."

Spencer's wailing intensified, nearly causing the entire FBI Headquarters to shake. Garcia shoved Seaver out the door and Morgan followed to watch her leave. The young woman didn't hesitate for a second after seeing the deadly stares JJ, Prentiss and Rossi were sending her. Seaver disappeared behind the doors and Spencer calmed down significantly.

"Is s-she gone?" The young agent whimpered.

"Yeah, she's gone." Morgan assured him. Spencer sniffled.

"I'll have a fresh batch of cookies for you tomorrow, my Junior G-man." Garcia smiled. Reid cracked a small one.

"Thanks Garcia." He said softly.

"You okay, Spence?" JJ asked from up the steps.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Never take Reid's cookies." Rossi chuckled.

Erin Strauss walked by on the other side of the bullpen and everyone looked up when she headed towards the break room, a place they rarely saw her. She didn't seem to notice the profilers, which was a relief to them. Barely a minute later, she came back out with a steaming cup of coffee in hand, and returned to her office.

Horror covered Spencer's face, and before Derek knew it, the young doctor leaped out of his arms and dashed into the break room. Morgan followed him and arrived in time to see his colleague staring at an empty coffee pot and an empty can of coffee grounds.

"Uh, kid?" He asked carefully.

Morgan fell backwards after a figure rushed past him at blinding speed. He jumped to his feet and ran back to the bullpen where Emily and the others were watching in shock as Reid practically outran a cheetah until he reached Strauss' office. The young man slipped inside and slammed the door.

"Agent Reid, what are you- AAAAAAHHH!" The Section Chief screamed before she could finish. The sounds of crashing and items breaking could be heard through the door. The closed window blinds shook, but there was hardly a chance to see what was going on inside. Hotch hurried out of his office only to stop and be at a loss for words, like everyone else. They heard a window break from the inside, followed by a chair crashing through the indoor window, shards of glass littered the carpet and the chair stuck out part way. One side of the blinds broke off and hung halfway off it's perch.

The entire floor eventually became eerily silent and still. The door opened and a smiling Reid came out, with Strauss's cup of coffee. He went to the break room to fill it with sugar. The others tried to catch a glimpse of the inside of the Section Chief's office. They could see the huge mess, but Strauss was nowhere to be seen.

Spencer returned with his cup of sugar with coffee. He didn't have a scrape on him, and he looked perfectly fine. He sat down at his desk and started to sort through paperwork. He still had a smile on his face. Prentiss and Morgan took a couple steps back, away from the happy genius. Derek suddenly laughed.

"Wouldn't you know? We got rid of Seaver and Strauss on the same day!" He grinned.

"And that's funny?" Emily asked warily. The dark skinned man shrugged.

"One thing's for sure." She started, looking towards Strauss' quiet office, then met eyes with Dave. "Never take Reid's coffee either."

**The End!**

**Never take Reid's stuff, or something will happen...**


End file.
